Marriage illustrated by two horses pulling a carriage

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Facebook Post, August 2015: I have been asked to write more about marriage. Remembering that marriage is the first covenant that God made between His newly created human species, and therefore it is a covenant no one should enter into without deep consideration, I cannot help remembering the utterly superficial advice of most elderly people to young couples: "To marry is not buying horses." That's it? Makes sense in some silly way, because if we think of the marriage covenant in terms of ''playing true love,'' or a convenient business transaction, we will never get mauled when our spouses commit adultery, choose to party with their friends instead of coming home, lie, deceive, manipulate, never defend us when we need support, waste all the money on flashy cars, jewellery, gambling and unnecessary items - and assault us verbally and physically when we object.

What will happen to such a marriage and the children of that marriage if both spouses choose to live so immorally? Where will those children learn the many precepts of God's moral law, which set humans apart from animals? If they are taught that Mommy is just ''one of the girls,'' and Daddy is just ''one of the boys,” how will children ever know the Creator God in all His love and mercy, and the fact that a marriage requires constant fidelity, a lifetime commitment, and self-sacrifice?''

Still, opposite characters usually attract. It is not uncommon to find a stable character married to a wild stallion powered on raw testosterone - or a wild mare, who just cannot get it into her head that she is not Cleopatra, married to Old Job. This is a great disaster in the making, if one or both spouses never truly surrender themselves wholly to Christ – and to their spouses. Hence, God sternly warns in 2 Cor. 4:16, "Do not be unequally yoked to unbelievers, for what does Christ have in common with Belial?” (Hebrew for Belial: Worthlessness.)

Sadly, this is the grave situation many faithful spouses unwittingly dunked themselves into when they married an unfaithful husband or wife as unbelievers - or much worse, when they married unequally yoked as believers. Whatever the case might be, such deceived spouses always end up abused and broken. (Broken in many little pieces like that old Humpty Dumpty character that sat on the wall, as there is no better explanation for such complete brokenness, which only God can put together again.) But take heart, you very disappointed and deeply hurt husband or wife, because God has seen it all, and if you have really surrendered it all it Jesus, and are willing to work through this His Way, although it might take time, you will come through this treacherous marsh much stronger, wiser, and of course somewhat older. After all, did God, Who can never lie because He is not a mere man, not say in Rom. 8:28 that we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him?

This does not mean that we must smother our common sense when it comes to choosing a marriage partner. If this person is a drunkard, a violent person, a big spender, a perpetual liar… chances are slim that anyone will ever change him or her — unless he or she sincerely submits to the Lord Jesus Christ, (and to Godly advice,) of course. One piece of advice I always give to couples: make certain that you are not marrying that person while he or she is prone to sexual immorality, alcohol and drug abuse, bad relationships, has a terrible employment record, and lives in a huge amount of debt. Do a credit and other checks and as far as possible on that person. Love is blind, they say, and marriage affects all levels of life. You do not only marry the person, you really do marry the family-in-law, that person’s finances, and bad habits. For instance, if that person’s finances is in the red, yours will be too, because you will be liable for half of everything that person owes. If that person clings to bad company, chances are that he or she will choose the dirty and bad company instead of choosing you.

“Be sober, be vigilant, your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking someone [gullible] to devour,” (1 Pt. 5:8.) The enemy easily devours unwitting people who see abuse as love, and lies as truth.

Facebook Post, 2016, Speaking on marriage as ''not buying horses,'' and illustrating the marriage covenant as two horses, yoked together, drawing a carriage, I have to share what I once saw. I cannot find the video on the internet, but it showed two horses yoked together in a carriage during some kind of show.

The horses began calmly, pulling together strongly, until one of the horses suddenly went berserk. The wild one reared up with such brute force that it nearly flipped the carriage, hauling the driver into the air, and almost yanking the other horse off its feet.

However, the other horse immediately took a firm stand to bring the wild one under control. While the mad one continued to neigh frantically, trying to rear onto its hind legs, butting, kicking, and biting to get out of the carriage restraints, the calm horse slowly but meticulously began to force the wild one to the side of the track, using all its strength to subdue the crazy one, until it eventually pinned the wild horse firmly against the rail.

No matter how hard the mad one tried to continue its frenzy, the other horse would not budge. It so firmly stood it's ground, the wild one simply had to realize it doesn't have enough strength of keep on fighting the firm, level-headed control of the other horse. Once the crazy horse had completely calmed down, the driver again took control and gave the command to continue. Although bruised and maybe even wounded, the calm horse immediately obeyed and the wild one followed suit, so that they brought the carriage to the finishing line.

If the calm horse were unable to subdue the wild one so that the driver could take control, the outcome of this scenario would have been that the berserk horse would have been put down right there on the track for the safety of all concerned.

I later learned that it is custom to yoke a wild horse with a docile one, and a less experienced horse with a more experienced one. I know God forbade us to be unequally yoked to spare us a heap of trouble and sorrow. However, could it perhaps be, (and this is only my perception and not a licence to disobey God in the least,) that in His infinite wisdom, while we are young and ignorant of His Way and the ways of life, our Lord actually allows opposite characters to attract each other? (I am talking about characters not sins such as drug abuse, sexual immorality, etcetera.) By allowing wild people the immeasurable grace to have someone stable in their lives, He simultaneously causes the mind growth of the stable ones, while teaching and forming the character of the children born from that marriage with the goal of ultimately saving the souls of all concerned?

Do not be deceived to think that we, by our 'goodness' and even our obedience to God, can change another person, if he or she unrepentedly rejects God and all that is good. This is not what I am saying. Paul expressly wrote, "If the unbeliever departs [because he or she chooses not to submit to God and a Godly spouse,] let him or her depart, you are not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, o wife or husband, whether you will save your spouse?” What I am saying is, when bad things happen to good spouses, they should not get quickly discouraged; abandoning the wild horse and leaving the carriage to decompose.

Dear believer, I know you have been abused and abandoned on many occasions, and you are tired, bruised and broken. I am not saying you should stay with a serial adulterer, unrepented drunkard or a violent Rambo. I am saying that I know that not all abused marriage partners have the means to flee from such maniacs, who never surrender themselves either to God or their God-given spouses. But I know one thing for certain: God, as the Driver of the marriage carriage, always remains in control, no matter how hard that wild horse kicks. Before you decide to abandon this marriage, truly seek His will first. Be certain that you hear from Him before you make any decision, for He is the One Who will never leave you nor forsake you… He Alone can lead His believers to green pastures.

Facebook Post August 2016, Speaking out or keeping quiet, when spouses check out other women and men, flirt and commit adultery? These sins, and all other types of sin and misbehaviour, ruin marriages. It is a real problem when spouses of both sexes unrepentedly expose too much of their bodies through the clothes they wear, throw violent anger tantrums, abuse their spouses verbally and/or physically, spend their money indiscriminately, are unreasonably jealous or lack caring; are lazy in supporting their families, shirk responsibilities, have poor personal hygiene and a general lack of manners, (many marriages disintegrate because of simple do’s and don’ts like this,) abuse drugs and alcohol (prescription drugs too,) behave spiteful and selfish, use intimacy as a manipulation tool, remain passive in times of adversity, etcetera. These problems are real enough, but how to deal with them, is always the question. No one in their right mind wants to fight - especially not all the time; push their spouses to act appropriately, or constantly try to restrain bad behaviour.

Should the husband ignore it when the wife wears low cut T-shirts and dresses, tight and revealing pants, shorts and mini skirts, or should he confront her lovingly but firmly; giving reasons why he disproves of such behavior? And what if she turns tigress and fights frantically, insisting to continue with what is unacceptable to him? What if the husband checks out other women? Should the wife keep quiet and do the same to make him jealous? What if the husband disapproves of his wife checking out other men, while he checks out other women? Should either the husband or the wife tolerate lies and manipulation to cover such terrible sin? Or is flirting not really dangerous because ‘everyone’ is doing it?

It doesn’t matter what everyone else does, but it is most important that Jesus said, “He who looks at a woman [or man] to lust after her [or him] commits adultery” in the heart, which will surely lead to the act of adultery; acquiring a lot of demons for him or herself to destroy him or herself and the spouse and children, (Jam. 1:15.) Paul warned in 1 Cor. 6:15-20; 3:16-17, “He who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. He who is joined to a harlot [either male or female,] is one body with her [or him...] He [or she] who commits sexual immorality sins against his [or her] own body. Do you not know that your body [must be] a temple of the Holy Spirit… If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him [or her.] For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are,” (Mt. 5:28.) God does not share His Spirit’s temple with demons, as He allegedly did under the Old Testament Covenant, (Ezk. 8:6-18.) Our human spirits, souls or minds, and bodies must be completely holy unto God, (1 Ths. 5:23.)

Unconfessed and unrepented sin, and other harmful behavior have a tendency, while we simply sweep it under the rug, to grow into a huge, immovable rubbish heap before we know it. Hence, God called us to be the salt and light of the earth. This means, we must always be available to the Holy Spirit to bring exhortation, (persuasion,) through the God-given truth of His Word, to bring true peace to our homes and lives. Blessing can only come out of chaos through repentance and obedience to the Moral Commandments of Christ. These commandments, (repentance and obedience to the Moral Law) are the two-edged Sword of the Word, which always cuts both ways.

As wise ones used to say, ‘What is good for the gander [the male,] is good for the goose [the female.]’ Should we neglect to become God’s vessels of love (because God’s truth and the truth of every situation is Godly love,) He will certainly hold us responsible. As the humble servant-leader of your home, husband, you must be God’s salt and light, (meaning you must allow the Holy Spirit and His true Word to work in and through you) in everything good, Godly, and true. As the spiritual heart of your home, wife, you must allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through you in the same way. Of course the husband must refuse that his wife wears short dresses and other inappropriate clothing, or exhibit silly and bad behaviour, and vice versa. I say again, if there is nothing for sale, why advertise? Husbands must expect their wives to warn them of inappropriate behavior, and wives must believe it is their God-given right to expect the same from their husbands. Doesn’t God Word ask, “Can two walk together unless they first agree?” (Amos 3:3.) Ethical behaviour under all circumstances is not an option; it is obedience to God's Moral Law of Love. It is obedience to Christ Jesus Himself. We all live under this huge responsibility; may God have mercy on us all.

The greatest compliment a man or woman can give his or her spouse is not to ‘check out’ and flirt with people of the opposite sex. We have eyes and must see what is going on around us, but just a little leaven leavens the whole lump. Just a little flirtation with sin can lead to great apostasy from God and a marriage can end in divorce. If something makes for arguments and sin, look away and run away before staring and becoming ensnared. Do not give the devil a foothold to destroy your relationship with God, your spouse, and your family, (Eph. 4:27.) In other words, as much as it is in your power, do not give the devil any opportunity to pry on your weaknesses, or allow him to use other people to bring anger, discontent, and division between you and your spouse.

Þ Watch out and “guard your own heart above all things,” (Prov. 4:23.) God commanded in Lev. 19:17, “Your will not hate your brother [spouse/child/neighbor…] in your heart. You will surely rebuke [him or her,] and not bear sin because of him [or her.] Do not allow unresolved conflicts to poison you (and other people,) while you can resolve it through obedience to God’s Word, (Eph. 4:26.) Don’t shy away from standing your ground if you know you are doing God’s Scriptural will, (Eph. 6:13.) Nonetheless, we must always repent from our own sin before trying to resolve the sin of our spouses and other people. However, we should never apologize for acting morally, or for expecting our spouses (and other people) to act morally towards us. May God have mercy on us all, for it is not to the glory of God to fly off the handle as soon as the pan gets hot.

Calm, honest, and open discussion is all that can clear a bad atmosphere, because keeping quiet while grinding our teeth is bad for our own spiritual, soulical, and physical health, and for the health of all concerned. Using intimacy to manipulate your spouse is something all disgruntled partners should address. But they should also realize that intimacy must come through a healthy, loving, marriage relationship. Spouses cannot expect intimacy while flirting and adulterating, and treating their spouses badly. Intimacy in marriage without love is fornication. Let us always pray everything through and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the “great and unknown things we do not know,” (Jer. 33:3,) because dealing with the causes of troubled behavior and relationships can, by the grace of God, lead so a clean atmosphere, and a holy and happy marriage relationship, if only we do our part in the correct timing of God. However, let us never forget that every relationship is a two-way street. Spouses, as all believers in Christ, must submit to one another in everything true and good, (Eph. 5:21.)

Facebook Post, September 2016, Why is a male, who has sexual relations with every woman he can find, complimented with names like Romeo, Stud, Bull — while a woman, who commit the same type of immorality, is called a “whore,” (even if she does not do it for money,) slut, harlot, etcetera? Society actually commends and never condemns promiscuous men – even destructive, soul-murdering serial adulterers, while promiscuous women are usually branded with the scarlet letter. In addition, it is allegedly always the female ‘slut’ (the “Jezebel,) who tempts the ‘innocent’ male – while seduction really cuts both ways. (The Jezebel dogma is a great deception. It is a deceptive spirit that works through all false dogma in both genders to lead believers into idolatry and fornication. Men teaching false doctrine are also Jezebels, (Rev. 2:20-23.) “Jezebel” is an allegorical ‘woman,’ such as the Whore of Babylon, (Rev. 17 & 18,) and the Bride of Christ.

Many a good woman was ruined by a bad man, just as many a good man was ruined by a bad woman. In Scripture, (New Covenant Scripture especially,) both immoral men and women are “fornicators,” and if married, they are “adulterers.” Under the Old Testament, such people were stoned to death to root out evil in marriage and society – although the evil Pharisees overlooked and commended male fornicators and adulterers because they also twisted God’s Word to suit themselves, just as New Testament Pharisees still do today. Jesus said in Mark 7:13, “You make the Word of God of no effect through your tradition, which you have handed down. And many such things you do.” If society condemned the destructive actions of both male female harlots, they would have alleviated the suffering and pain of countless wives and children through the ages.

Most unacceptably, if a child is born to “such a woman” out of wedlock, (while “such a father” is hardly ever mentioned,) the names, which that innocent child is called, are unmentionable. Yet, all the little children are totally innocent and could never choose their physical circumstances. All the little children belong to Jesus, and He Himself laid His hands on them without ever thinking of cursing them, and blessed them unconditionally, (Mt. 19:13-15.) How does society then dare to curse these innocents, Whom God Himself has blessed?

All those born “out of wedlock” must remember this. You can never be cursed because of what your parents did because God Himself has blessed you. The only way you can be cursed, is when you yourself choose the curses by choosing the sinful ways of the kingdom of darkness, (Deut. Chapter 28.) Once you choose Jesus, you continue to occupy a constant spiritual place of blessedness in His Kingdom of Light, (1 Pet. 2:9-10.)

So, who is actually ‘out of wedlock’ when they conceive a child? The unmarried couple – both the father and the mother; but certainly not the child. God made it very clear in Scripture that both male and female, unrepented adulterers, and other types of fornicators, will not inherit the Kingdom of God, (1 Cor. 6:9.) Jam. 4:4, “[Spiritual, soulical, and physical] adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the [sinful] world is enmity with God?” Heb. 13:4, “Marriage is honorable among all, [thus, keep] the bed undefiled, for God will judge [both male and female] fornications and adulterers.”

God made one man and one woman and joined the two together through His marriage covenant. As soon as a third party, either male or female, enters this Godly union, it instantly breaks His covenant; not the lawfulness of the marriage that must still be annulled by death or divorce, (Mt. 19:3-10.)

Yes, you may ask, but what about the Old Testament patriarchs? Can anyone think that God, Who, “in the beginning,” so seriously commanded both the male and female to honor their marriage vows, actually gave the old patriarchs permission to go after every woman they wanted? No, because in Deut. 17:17, God forbade even the king to have more than one wife. And in Mal. 2:14, 15, God warned the real robbers of His Old Covenant temple tithes, (not the blessed New Testament disciples of Christ,) the Old Covenant temple priesthood, “[I do not regard your offerings anymore,] because [I] have been witness between you and the wife of your youth, which whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant...”

Let me assure you, the notion that both single and married men may fornicate because they are male, while women, who do the same, are ‘adulteresses and sluts,’ is one of the greatest deceptions Satan has strewn throughout the world.

Girls, if you meet a ‘Romeo,’ run your legs lame! If he checks out the girls before you are married, he will adulterate after you are married. If this ‘boxer’ lays one violent finger on you before marriage, he will beat the living daylights out of you once you are married. If he likes to spend his time with wild friends and waste his money on flashy cars; and abuses alcohol and drugs, he will not surrender to you and play happy-hubby once you are married. [And the same applies to disorderly women of all kinds!]

God never promised that our prayers and Christ-given goodness will change anyone else except ourselves. Yes, God has a million ways to lead sinners to repentance, but in the end, repentance still remains our own, personal choice. If another person rejects the True Savior, Jesus, we must not suffer from Messiah-syndrome, believing we can save or change that person if we just endure long enough; suffer enough, give enough... Every human being on earth is saved, redeemed and blessed by only One Person: the Lord Jesus Christ and His full atonement in our place. Everyone has to choose Jesus because we want Him as the Master of our lives. We serve Him because we want to glorify His Name. If that man or woman does not regard God and His blood atonement in his or her place, that male or female harlot will not regard you, or any of the many empty promises they make to you.

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Fatal Wrong Priorities

THE TWO-PHASE WEDDING CEREMONY AND “LIVING TOGETHER — ‘MARRIED IN GOD’S EYES?’

Þ Narcissists are Everywhere, and they are dangerous, stealthy predators of destruction

Escaping abuse: “My soul is Calm and Quiet like a weaned child”

Dealing with Continuous Sin and Wilfully Unrepented Spouses

Þ What is Fear and How do we Deal with Fear?

What happened between marriage partners that day of the fall?

Difference between God’s Universal and Marriage Orders

Did God give Men permission to Rule Abusively over all Women?