You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free
Did God’s Marriage Covenant Change so that We may Divorce At Will?
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A famous Christian actress and filmmaker, whose colourful autobiography I had the opportunity to write but politely declined, alleges in her publications, films, and seminars, “Some vows [meaning the marriage covenant] were made to be broken!”
For me, as always, the question remains, What does God say about this statement; can it be in the truth of contextual Scripture? This person disseminates a dangerous, unscriptural teaching, which she supposedly promotes to protect the rights of abused women — a legitimate cause, which she pursues according to the wrong dogma, but on popular demand. Divorce, as marriage, is a very serious decision with life changing consequences for everyone involved. None of us should ever rush into any covenant or transaction light-heartedly, for contrary to what such money-making sensation-seekers preach, God commanded us to keep our vows to God and men.
Do not get me wrong: I do not judge or condemn divorcees in any way, as we all need the blood-covenant of Jesus Christ to be saved, redeemed, blessed, and healed and none can say that they do not sin, (1 Jn. 1:7-9.) However, Jesus Himself clearly commanded, “Have you not read that He Who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his [parent’s home] and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’... Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate [light-heartedly and without real Scriptural reasons…] I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, [or her husband] except for sexual immorality, [which defiles the marriage bed and effectively breaks the marriage covenant,] and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her [or him] who is divorced [without true Scriptural reasons,] commits adultery.’ His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man and his wife, [singular; one wife!] it is better not to marry…” (Mt. 19:3-10.)
So, let us realize how serious marriage — and divorce, (if there exists no other recourse,) really is.
ALL KINDS OF SEXUAL FORNICATION (SUCH AS ADULTERY) ARE AGAINST NATURE
God created one man, Adam. He made Adam one wife, Eve. Then, God commanded that ‘the two must become one flesh.’ Marriage is a holy covenant between one man and one woman; and the ‘two’ in this marriage relationship must only remain two people, who live ‘holy, honourably, and undefiled.’ A third person may not enter this two-fold covenant between two people who became one.
Adultery is such a murderous crime against innocent spouses that under the Old Testament covenant it demanded the death penalty for both the whoring man and the whoring woman! (Lev. 20:10.) Under Jesus’ New Covenant there is forgiveness for all confessed and repented sinners, but the emotional and spiritual implications of adultery still bring death to marriages and families in various ways. God warned in Prov. 6:32, “He who commits adultery destroys himself [and his spouse and family.]”
God states in Mal. 2:15, 14, “Did God not make [the husband and his wife in Eden] one [through the marriage covenant?] And why [did He make one husband and one wife] one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife [or husband] of his [or her] covenant.”
Yet, the old temple priesthood, described in the Old Testament Book of Malachi, (who were the ones who robbed God of the temple-tithes and offerings in Mal. Chapter 3,) “covered the altar of the Lord with weeping and crying, because He did not regard their offering anymore. [When they asked God the reason, He answered,] “Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife [or husband] of your covenant, with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet, she is your companion and your wife by covenant… Did He not make [Adam and Eve] one… Why [did He make the two] one? He seeks godly offspring… Let none deal treacherously with the wife [or husband] of his [or her] youth. For the Lord God… says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence…” (Mal. 2:13-16.)
Where fornication, adultery, separation and divorce enter a home, chaos, confusion, sorrow, shame, hatred and violence will follow. There is no such thing as ‘having an affair.’ Adultery of all types is sinful whoring and filthy fornication. Both fornicating, adulterating males and females are called “whores” – not just fornicating women. God never had any other sexual relationship in mind for humanity than the marriage covenant, which He Himself instituted in the Garden in Eden in the form of the lifelong union between one husband and his one wife, (Mt. 19:4-6; Eph. 5:3; Heb. 13:4; Rom. 1:18-32.) Accordingly, incest, child molestation, rape, bestiality, adultery, polygamy, homosexuality, lesbianism, and every other kind of sexual perversion is Satanism. It is against God’s All-Holy Character, perfect creation, Moral Law of Love, and everything Godly, which God Himself had intended for humanity. By committing so-called ‘consented’ adultery and fornication such as ‘grouping,’ ‘swinging,’ ‘sexual bondage,’ and various other forms of sexual perversion, these people also ‘go after strange flesh.’
WHY IS MARRIAGE SUCH A BINDING COVENANT IN GOD’S EYES?
God Himself instituted the Marriage Covenant, and it is the sacred symbol of His New Testament Covenant with born again believers; the body and bride of Christ. It is an indissolvable, holy promise, which must last ‘until death do us part,’ or in the case of Christ and His bride, for all eternity beyond the grave. In the beginning, after God made one person, Adam, He then made him into two different people, male and female, taking a rib from his side, from which God created only one woman. Then, God instituted the marriage covenant to bring them together and make them one again. In this covenant, the wife of her ‘own’ husband (singular) is her own husband’s life-long companion and help-mate. This relationship does not relate to any other man or woman, or to men or women in general. No one else is included in the marriage covenant. It is a virtually indissolvable covenant between one husband and one wife.
In the Old Testament, Old Israel rejected monogamy or God’s holy marriage covenant in favour of pagan polygamy; just as they constantly rejected their Mono or One God to embrace polytheism, the worship of many gods. As all Old Israel’s idolatrous practices, the shameless polygamy of their kings and prophets was not from God. The subject of polygamy was actually the argument between the Pharisees and Jesus in Mt. 19:1-10, when He reminded them that they corrupted the Old Testament law to fornicate and divorce, but from the beginning it was not so. [Scroll down on the WebPage to Old King Solomon, whoremonger and slave trader.]
God never gave spouses permission to keep more than one wife or husband, to commit adultery as they please, to mistreat and abuse their wives and husbands, to lord over them, or to submit their wives or husbands to their domineering rule, (Gal. 3:25-33.) Neither does the true context of Scripture imply that a woman should submit herself to any other man except her “own” husband. God made the woman female for only one reason: to be the wife of her ‘own’ husband for the sake of bearing his children, (Eph. 5:22.) She must also be his helper and best friend, and respect and support him all the days of his life, (Gen. 1:27-28.) Likewise, she must only submit to the guidance of her ‘own’ husband in everything good and Godly. [To understand God’s creation principles concerning men and women in general, refer to God’s universal order for men and women versus His specific order for husband and wife and Abuse was not Eve’s punishment.]
God abhors these anti-creational sins so much, the Old Testament law commanded that male and female fornicator-adulterers should be executed by stoning. Lev. 20:10-27, “The man [and woman] who commits adultery… the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death…” [for they have violated God’s holy marriage covenant by committing fornication, infidelity, disloyalty, betrayal, rejection of and emotional murder on their spouses.] Under the New Testament Covenant, this does not mean physical death, but ‘death’ to the marriage covenant and that family unit, which was once protected and guided by the indissolvable and holy covenant of God.
To make an end to the perception that God is more lenient to fornicating, adulterating men that women, I can say again that in the entire context of Scriptural truth, God makes absolutely no distinction between adulterers and adulteresses. Both sexes are whores, who refuse to submit to and honour the sacred marriage covenant of God, which they confessed and pledged over themselves, their spouses, their children, and their entire lives together.
God commanded believers to “submit to one another” in everything good and Godly, (Eph. 5:21.) Through the complete atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, God views all believers as equal. Thus, Paul proclaimed that spiritually, “there is no more Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus,” (Gal. 3:28.) According to God’s creation principles and marriage covenant, the husband must love his own wife in the same way he loves his own body, just as Christ loves His own spiritual body, His called-out assembly of sincere believers, the ecclesia, (Gal. 3:25-33.)
When God created a wife for Adam, Adam rejoiced, saying, (Gen. 2:23-25,) “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, [understandably both husband and wife must leave their parents and all other people emotionally, financially and physically], and cleave [primarily] to his [one and only] wife, [and she to her one and only husband]; and they shall be one flesh...”
This means that both the husband and his wife must forsake all that is dear, safe and familiar to come into real Scriptural unity in a new life together. This does not mean that they should reject their parents, disrespect them or discard them. They simply have to establish their own home and keep it in Godly order. The husband and his wife must take control of their own private life. They must push aside everything and everyone that might cause sin between them to separate them from each other. Everything and everyone that can separate them spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially. Anything and everyone that can displace their attention, loyalties and priorities from God, each other and their children, (Mal. 2:14-16.)
They must become one flesh. One in spirit, soul, and body: 1 Ths. 5:23.
They must become one family before God in perfect unity: Mt. 19:4-6.
And so, the marriage-covenant does not allow any third party. In this covenant only God is included as the Head of both, and of course the natural result of this Godly union, their children, (Mal. 2:15.)
Many couples divorce through adultery and other forms of sin and abuse. However, many marriages perish because disobedient couples do not “leave” their parents to “cleave” to each other. And so, disobedient husbands, wives, and their parents, who do not honour this very important, basic principle and solemn commandment of God, wreak havoc on His marriage covenant. While good and Godly parents have a great supporting and Scripturally advising role to play in the lives of their adult children, selfish, manipulative parents slyly undermine the marriage covenant of their adult children, and make underhanded plans to remain in demonic control of their adult sons and daughters. Just as adulterers, who destroy the marriage covenant and family, such sinful parents never consider the spiritual, emotional, financial, and even physical suffering, which their ungodly interferences cause.
Instead, such manipulative parents often remind their grownup children most religiously to ‘honour and obey their sinful parents’ instead of their Godly spouses, (which is a destructive lie that constitutes a great twisting of Scripture and a mockery of God’s marriage covenant,) while they never quote the rest of this commandment contextually, for then they must add, “Fathers, (and mothers,) do not irritate and provoke your children to anger, [do not exasperate them to resentment and sin], but rear [your growing, dependant children] tenderly in the training, discipline, counsel and admonition of the Lord.” - Eph. 6:4.
Parents, family, friends, whores and whoremongers do not have the right to “put asunder, [or separate], what God has joined together,”: Mt. 19:4-5. The time for parents to make their [good] reasons known against an intended marriage partner is before the engagement and marriage day is announced. Of course all Godly, truly Scriptural input from parents, (which is real love for their children and grandchildren,) must always be welcomed, but this all spouses must know: the selfish control and demonic interference of parents and other people will always cause the destruction of marriages.
As the marriage relationship consists of “submission to one another” in all that is good, Godly and right, the marriage covenant, which is a sacred ‘vow’ before God or an indissolvable promise, can never be viewed as a controlling hierarchical structure, (Eph. 5:21-24.) When God commanded women to “submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord,” He never meant it as forced submission to an oppressing tyrant.
Godly submission is quite the opposite, as Peter explained in 1 Pet. 3:2, “[Wife], reverence your [own Godly] husband” and not men in general, as other men have absolutely nothing to do with your marriage covenant. This is not a forced subjection either, but rather an attitude of respect that allows the husband to do the major decision-making in the home in conjunction with the good advice and knowledgeable help of his own wife; his companion, (rightful, just and Godly decision-making,) a type of submission, which has nothing to do with the woman’s role in society as a whole. Wives have to respect, defer to, honor, esteem, appreciate, and praise, in the human sense, their own good and Godly husbands, and visa versa.
How can a wife [or husband] respect and/or enjoy live with an oppressing tyrant and whore? When a marriage is solemnised, God does not appoint a ‘boss’ over the bride as many clergy teach. Peter clearly commanded husbands to adhere closely to their part of the bargain when he wrote, “In the same way you married men should live considerately with your wives, with an intelligent recognition of the marriage relationship, honoring your wife as the [physically] weaker, but realising that you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off.” - 1 Pet. 3:7.
God views His commandment for a husband to love, honour and cherish his wife so seriously that He will not listen to the prayers of a husband who abuses his wife in any way – and obviously this condition applies to the wife as well. Paul explained in Eph. 5:28-33: “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the [the body of believers, His ecclesia.]”
UNREPENTANT FORNICATION, ADULTERY, VIOLENCE, AS WELL AS OTHER TYPES OF DANGEROUS BEHAVIOR DO JUSTIFY THE DREADFUL CHOICE OF DIVORCE
This heading is a serious statement, because it does not mean that ‘some vows were made to be broken.’ Rather, it means that marriage vows were repeatedly and irreparably broken without the consent, choice, and mostly the knowledge of the rejected spouse, and the guilty partner refuses to repent because the person has lost interest in the marriage, or chooses to continue manipulating the spouse to continue in sin. The recovery of any important relationship, (our relationship with God, spouses and other people) pivots on complete repentance from the sin that causes the destruction. True believers will choose to salvage the marriage (or other relationship) if it is at all possible, because Jesus commanded us to pursue peace under all circumstances, (1 Cor. 7:10-16.)
Nevertheless, peace is not always obtainable because reconciliation is always a two-way street. Although we influence one another in a thousand ways, we are not responsible for the unrepentant choices other people make, (Ezk. 18:19-24.) It is impossible to change people without their consent. Not even God forces people to change. He does not want slaves but loving children. Salvation, redemption, blessing and spiritual growth in Christ is always a personal choice. So, if an unrepentant person refuses to let go of his or her demons, the innocent spouse should eventually let go of the person for the sake of the eternal life, and emotional and physical safety of the innocent. Abuse, left untreated God’s Way, is always an escalating process, (1 Cor. 7:13-16; Mt. 18:15:20.)
Neither husband nor wife, father nor mother, grandfather nor grandmother, son nor daughter, brother nor sister has the right to oppress, steal from, hurt, slander, lie to, rule, cheat, manipulate, and harm another human being. Jesus commanded us to do unto others as we want them to do unto us. Our human spirits, souls (minds) and bodies must be temples of the Holy Spirit. We cannot allow unrepentant people to destroy His temple through unrepentant sin. Jesus never commanded us to tolerate unrepentant abuse indefinitely, (1 Ths. 5:23; 1 Cor. 6:15-20; 3:16-17; Mt. 18:15-20.)
Still, to stay or to go is always a personal choice and not a rigid requirement.
Whether the spouse of a fornicating adulterer, especially a serial fornicating adulterer, after much deliberation and seeking God’s specific will for that marriage, decides either to continue the marriage or file for divorce, the abused spouse must realize that both decisions have terrible consequences. Separating the interwoven lives of marriage partners is so complicated that none can escape unharmed. The brokenness will always leave deep scars and most probably be carried through to the next relationship. For the children especially, the separation can be devastating. Financially, it will also be the children that suffer the most.
Abuse is an incredibly strong demonic power, and in a marriage relationship, as in any other relationship, repentance and restoration by the offender is the only Scriptural and rational answer. Should such repentance not occur, (as serial abusers can cry a river of tears without ever keeping one promise,) mere forgiveness will not be enough to secure the spiritual, emotional, and physical safety of the abused spouse and children. Yet, it is a fact of life that it is not always possible to flee from such a demoniac to start a new life — which is usually not a success in any case. But to live under such unbearable conditions is almost impossible, especially without a clear directive of the Holy Spirit Himself.
Spouses who choose to stay, must refuse to accept more empty promises. To secure at least some financial support for themselves and in the case of a young family, for the future of the children, spouses can change the financial state of their marriages from “in community of property” to a post-nuptial agreement. If offenders agree, they must then ‘put their money where their mouths are,’ and pay for their infidelity and deception the next time they give way to their demons.
Following the clear directives of the Holy Spirit in the truth of Scripture is the only real answer to this (or any other) demonic dilemma. We must stop deceiving ourselves and realize that a quick-fix to such immense destruction of life and limb is an unobtainable dream. God never lets us jump over the river or fire, but by His grace, He always takes us through it all to build His strong, Godly character in us, and to teach us obedience to His true Word in complete reliance on Him.
Marriage will always remain sacred and binding; we must never believe we may divorce as we please. It is a fact that even fornication, adultery, violence and other types of devastation, once sincerely confessed and truly repented from, need to be forgiven [scroll down on the WebPage] to restore our own inner peace, God’s holy marriage covenant, and to bring spiritual, emotional, and physical healing to the victim and everyone else affected by the abuse. We are only spiritually and emotionally free while in the will of God. Once true repentance from such serious sin enters a broken relationship, responsible forgiveness has the power to save that marriage; honoring and glorifying God in the process.